By rye in : picto blog // Jul 12 2010

Originally Posted: May 5th, 2005

I got a package today. I wonder what’s inside…

The box is damaged! Oh my! I hope what’s inside is still in super duper condition…

AHHH it’s Rudy the hand! I knew he was coming, but I forgot all about his visit.

He was happy to get out of the box. He had a long trip from Japan.

We shook hands because it is the proper thing to do…

Rudy wanted to send some emails to his pals in Japan. I told him that was silly because he had no friends.

He wanted a drink, but that’s fucking stupid because he has no mouth, so he just sat there and stroked the bottle.

The bastard just couldn’t stop touching things. He kept saying touching is good…touching is good. Mommy and Daddy always say touching yourself is bad.

Now he was just being an asshole…he said he always wanted to be naked on webcam…

He then decided that he knew how to surf the internet better then me.

After hours of surfing the net, he was amazed by my lamp. I guess being in a dark box for 2 weeks isn’t very fun.

Rudy found my beer. I tried to stop him, but he said he was the beer bong champion at the UPS in Pakistan.

He found what he came for…touching is goooooood!

We then decided to hit the sack. I was super tired because I had class early in the morning.

Rudy had a different idea…what can I say it wasn’t so bad…

The next morning I had class. I really didn’t want Rudy to come because of the night before, but he demanded he come and I guess I was still his bitch.

Rudy thought he could drive, but what the dumbass forgot was that you need legs to drive as well. Too bad cripple..hahaha.

On our way Rudy thought it would be funny to touch all the fucking buttons. Nothing pisses me off more then someone changing the channel while I am listening to my 1960′s show tunes tape my Mommy bought me.

After Rudy’s button spaz, he asked me if he could smoke, but then remembered that he melts when he touches fire…touching ain’t so good now Rudy is it!?

He just couldn’t fucking stop pushing buttons. I got pulled over by the police for turning my hazards on and off. I told the police women that it was Rudy. She told me I was fucking crazy and wrote me a ticket for $80.

Then he started fucking with the windows. Up and down…up and down.

Again and again. He thought it was soooo funny. He was like a fat kid in a candy store only without all the other body parts…

I locked that mother fucker out. Whats up now bitch. Just like a fat kid playing dodge ball, only with out all the other body parts and stuff…

When I got to school he wanted to come in with me, but I told him only colored people were allowed in. He wasn’t too happy.

He sat in the car. The hot hot car. I felt bad for him.

When I came back to the car he was dead from heat exhaustion. I felt bad so I placed him on the side of 309 where I knew he would be happy. God he was such an asshole.

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